HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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