do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
