A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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