You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
