You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
