I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
