thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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