Barsexuality is the new black.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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