i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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