there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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