i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
