it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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