you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
