HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
