Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
