# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
