he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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