I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
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this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is Oprah even human
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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