White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
