hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
