im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize