Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
