imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
