none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
