Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
