You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
