He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have post one night stand depression
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