oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
