How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize