My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
