Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
