I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
