Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
