It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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