I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
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YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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