i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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