So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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