My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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