fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
