I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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