Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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