i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
