Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
