Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
