i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
