Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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