you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
