ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
