I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
