Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
