I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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