Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
