Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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