Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
