It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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