I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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