I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
