Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
