any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
