A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
