Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
