You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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