Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
