I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
