I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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