she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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