So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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