I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
